October 2009

I don't talk much about grandma passing.  I even stop praying.  Maybe because I am scared.  Maybe because I don't want to feel anything.  I rather ignore it then dealing with it.  I have enough to deal with still but I need to keep my mind focused on something else.  I need something new.

Guess what I got into now ? hahahaah  

This is my new chicken coop ..  We turn this playhouse into a chicken coop !!!

Thank you hun, I know you think I am loosing it but he made me happy, again !!!

These are my first flock:  Plymouth Barred Rocks.  Will have to wait about 15 weeks before they can lay eggs but it gives me lots of time to learn all about them.  

I have one Rooster, the light colored one on the left

Yap, that's him LOLLLL

July 25 2009

Grandma had been in and out of hospital for her heart most of her life.  She carried a pacer now for over 40 years.  But 2 weeks earlier she was diagnosed with generalized cancer.  I didn't know it but I was seeing her for the last time.  She was under heavy morphine, she was awake sometimes and asking for this and that to the family members that was present.  We prayed often with her.  She held my grandpa's picture close to her heart the whole time.  We took turns being at her bedside in private.  It was my turn.  I was silent.  I held her hand trying to hold back my tears.  Still silent.  I didn't want to say goodbye.  I kissed her hand with tears running down my face.  I lift my head ..."thank you for everything you have done for me, grandma.  You are the greatest person i ever known.  You were the best mom.  The best.  The strongest person in my life.  Thank you, thank you...." 

I had to get up, I had to get out as I couldn't help myself anymore and stormed out of the room bawling on my heart out.  My aunts were holding me up, one asked if I wanted a Valium, the other a glass of water... they are now dragging me to the emergency room ...  I had lost all control...

The next morning while we were finishing our coffee and head back to the hospital, the phone rang, dearest Grandma had passed away.

I looked in my mother's eyes and saw her pain, felt her pain, I saw her worried look towards me, I didn't want to share my pain .... 

I ran upstairs, jumped in the closest bed and cried like a 2 years old.  I lost it, that was it, I was inconsolable.  Mom found me a short time later and put her hand on my back and tried to calm me down.  I screamed.. "  Nooooooooo,.... I wasn't there.... Not yet.....I wasn't there...."

Obviously in sorrow herself tenderly said.." She left us with the people that could be there at that time... she chose them as they were strong enough ... "    I wanted to be there, I wanted to hold her hand, I wanted to be there for her as she had been all my life... I had failed her...  Mom continues " She is waiting for you, she wants you to fell her warmth, all her warmth she has for you, get up and let's go to the hospital...""  

There was NOTHING else that would have snapped me out of it and made me get out of that bed.  Those were the words of a desperate mother to ease her daughter's pain.  Thank you mom for being there, thank you for being there every since.. xox

Ma grand-mère avait fait du va et vient d’hôpital pour son coeur la plupart de sa vie. Elle a porté une batterie maintenant pendant plus de 40 ans. Mais 2 semaines plus tôt elle a été diagnostiquée avec le cancer généralisé. Je ne le savais pas mais c’était ma dernière visite avec elle. Grand-maman était médicamentée de morphine, elle était éveillée parfois et demandait de ceci et ca  aux membres de la famille présente. Nous  prions souvent avec elle. Elle a tenu une photo de mon grand-père près de son coeur. Nous avons chaqu'un un tour avec elle en privé. C'était mon tour. J'étais silencieuse. J'ai tenu sa main essayant de retenir mes larmes. Toujours silencieuse. Je ne voulais pas dire au revoir. J'ai embrassé sa main avec des larmes sur mes joues. Je soulève ma tête... "merci pour tout ce que vous avez fait pour moi,  mémère. Vous êtes la meilleure personne que j'ai jamais connus. Vous étiez la meilleure maman. La meilleure. La plus forte des personnes. Merci, merci...."

J'ai dû me lever et sortir comme j'en pouvais plus.  Je suis sorti comme un ouragan de la chambre braillant de tout mon coeur. Mes tantes me soutenaient, une me demande un Valium, l'autre un verre d'eau ... ils me dirige maintenant à la salle des urgences ... j'avais perdu tout contrôle...

Dans la maison des mes grand-parents, le matin suivant tandis que nous finissions notre café pour retourner a l'hôpital, le téléphone sonne, grand-mère est décédé.

J'ai regardé dans les yeux de ma mère et vu sa douleur,  j'ai vu son regard inquiété vers moi,  je n'ai pas voulu.... 

J'ai couru en haut, a sauté dans le lit le plus proche et crié comme une enfant de 2 ans,  j'étais inconsolable. Maman m'a rejoint un peu plus tard et a mis sa main sur mon dos et a essayé de me calmer. J'ai crié.. "Nooooooooo.... je n'étais pas là.... Pas encore ..... je n'étais pas là...."

Évidemment dans la peine elle-même, tendrement dit.. "Elle nous a quittée avec les gens qui pourraient être là à ce moment-là ... elle les a choisis comme ils étaient les plus forts..." J'ai voulu être là, j'ai voulu tenir sa main, j'ai voulu être là pour elle comme elle avait été toute ma vie ... je l'avais laissée tomber... Maman continue "Elle nous attend, elle veut que tu ressens sa chaleur, toute sa chaleur qu'elle a pour toi... lèves toi et allons à l'hôpital ..." "  

RIEN D'AUTRE qui m'aurais fait sortir de ce lit. Ceux-là étaient les mots d'une mère désespérée pour atténuer la douleur de sa fille. Maman merci pour être là, et merci pour être là depuis .. 

xox

July 2009

So, another truck load of triple mix and a mother's day gift that needed a home.  A Pond !...Instead of digging into the rocky clay soil we have here in NB, I decided to go up.  I latterly moved a mountain !  Heavy rains on the second day and I had quit.  I physically couldn't do it anymore.  

My Hubby decided to get the ATV hooked up with a snow plow thingy and pushed as much as he could, nothing too much happened to tell you the truth as he was digging himself into a hole ! Slippery as hell and wet as hell, heavy as hell.  

2 days later, I got my rubber boots on and fought the beast with a shovel LOLLL   Got high enough good !...  took the rest of the day to get the pond into place securely so that the sides wouldn't collapse with dirt pressure, added snow, more rain or whatever else that could me this one big mess !

Downstairs we had cut railroad track logs thingies.  I got there and got the ones that were the closest in length so I didn't have to cut them.  Bingo, got enough ....  one by one up the stairs out to the garden..this is like way to much work for anyone but obsviously, not for me...grrr !  I got them in place and added spikes so they wouldn't move!  Now we got steps!  Beautiful!

The next day, I knocked at a few doors on this highway i was on.  I had seen flat rocks in what it looked like a dirt pit.  Nobody could help me so I got my truck in there and took as much as the truck would hold.  It took me hours!  Slowly, one rock at a time.  Gosh, never would I think of rock gardening again.  My back was aching so bad.  I sat in the seat of the truck and felt like every vertebrae had moved an inch off side !....This was too much!  Got home and dang, I had to unload every freakin' rock off the truck, one by one and puzzle them in place, applied them  around the edge of the Pond liner...  Done !  Finally !  I am pooped !

Next day, mom and I want shopping for cheap/sale/bargain plants.  I hate shopping but my mother is a pro.  Mom knows how to find a deal anywhere, she's unbelievable!  But really today, I should have stayed home, my back is still not ok.  Wow!  it's a mess, I have a hard time to keep up with her in the aisles.  Mom has so much energy, she does.  I feel older then she is.  She's on fire !

On the 8th day PLANTING DAY !!!  yay !!  i planted the purchased plants, all gift plants and  my own divided plants that I had in my position. Tadda !!

It did look good, yeah it did but something was missing.  I knew that i had to do something for erosion.  It wouldn't stand up to the winters and spring melt.  Tree trunks?  Got lots of them around but i am no lumberjack.  So then what?.........................flat rocks !!!!!  

But is was worth it !  I am very happy with the end results but I wouldn't do it again.....alone !!!!

This one is later in the season, the plants have matured a bit ...  it's amazing!  I love it...

And so did the rest of the new flower beds.  This is the back of the house.  I have added a birdbath

and a few weeks later.......... nice

this is a before picture early plantation:

and the front of the house.....that was instant maturity because the plant exchange was from a local neighbor that knew her stuff and all the samples given were not sample size, they were mother plants already so BAM !..

I bought this seat in Moncton were the lady was selling all her assets.  She had a few interesting pieces but I absolutely wanted to go home with this one.  

As you can see the pic above, I extended the flowerbed to give it more definition.  I know, I know...


And this is a few weeks later !

I love the marriage here of colors, height and textures:  My favorite front corner !

And we can't forget the veggy patch !!!   ...  That was more daily work that my flowers.  The weeds in here were a daily to do.  The soil I received wasn't triple mix so it was constant, manure vs compost vs peat moss and watering 

May 2009

Well, as you can see next, I haven't been able to keep my own promise.  I had to fix it, add more, ding more, extra more...Holy Gees, I am obsessed !!  I just couldn't just leave it.  It wasn't to my standards so there....

I had to call mom for help there though.  I had a hard time with the lifting, mush to my surprise, my heart rate was through the roof, out of breath, sweating like I have never sweat before.  I took much longer then expected.  I would work for a day and then off 2.  Wow, unlike me !!  Just to get rid of the grass was a job, never mind the 16 cubic foot truck load of dirt I had to move around....

At the same time, just I would normal do things, I created this veggy garden by hand.  No tiller, no machines, no magic wand.... Thinking back, I would do it all over again if I could !!  Loved it.

And the front too.... no really, What did you expect?  Don't you get to understand me by now?...go go go..never stop, here's Nat, there goes Nat...  I love creating beauty.  Flowers are my passion, my creations

Of course, You will see soon enough, the matured look of this...doesn't look like much now but just wait a sec !!!

June 2008




I tried to find the original pic in November at the back of the house but I only could find this one ???  Where did it go?... oh well, there it is for now.




I wanted to show you what it was before the deck!

After... Year 1





My first year creation at the back of the house.  Mostly annuals but the perenials were gifts.  I promised not to create too many flower beds here, after all, We have a lot of acreage to cover.  I had control myself....

Then I said, "  We'll, can't leave the front looking like that so shortly after the back was planted, I planted under the window, created a corner to prevent mowing problems and flower pots.

It all seems a lot of work.  Well yeah, It was lolll...   I was overworked and never paid loll  but see, I was trying to make another home for ourselves.  While  my husband was at work as an employee, I was home trying to do as much as I could without him.  Here and there, hubby would pick up a drill or a ladder and get at it too but most of the time, he was already tired from his day.  It is taking a lot longer to get project finished.  It isn't the same life, nothing was the same....

Ma première création d'année à l'arrière de la maison. La plus part sont des annuelles mais le vivaces m'ont éte donnees en cadeaux. J'ai promis de ne pas trop en faire  après tout, nous avons une grande superficie pour couvrir. Faut bien avoir un certain contrôle de soi-même....!



Alors je me suis dit, "Je ne peux pas laisser le devant de la maison comme ca.  Bon la juste un peu sous la fenêtre, et un coin pour empêcher des problèmes de tondeuse et des pots à fleurs ici et la.   C'est tout, pas plus. 


Tout semble beaucoup de travail. Bien ouais, c'était lolll ... j’étais surmené et jamais une maudite cent !! J'essayais de nous faire une autre maison pour nous. Tandis que mon mari était au travail comme un salarié pour la première fois dans 15 ans, j'essayais de faire autant que je pouvais sans lui. Des fois, il aidait avec des projets avec besoin des outils ou une échelle.  Mais la plupart du temps, il été déjà fatigué de sa journée. Il prend beaucoup plus de temps pour finir un projet maintenant mais c'est comme ca.  Ce n'est pas la même vie, rien n'est le même....

May 2008

It's time to get to work.  I have done enough floor pacing, worrying, business crap, I need something new.  This is not !!..... Remember this?  This is the time when I still had all the energy, strength a woman could have.  Besides a few aches here and there, I could move mountains and more !!

This is one picture that will tell you how much work we had to get done around the property.  We cleaned up with gloves, a shovel, a homemade trailer, a burn barrel and lots of garbage bags, LOTS !!!  We had for the first big garbage pick up 60 construction size garbage bags on the road plus all the metal pile, broken glass bins, plastic bins, wood and cardboard bundles, newspaper bin and all the reno toilet, tub, sink, drywall boxes and I could go on....

We have found have buried old days garbage dumping on the edge of the woods, full of broken glass, clothes, open food cans, old broken medicine bottles and an old 14 size rubber boot.  I was scared to pull it out of the grown and find a leg attached to that boot !!!  I was creeped out ! 

Old barn doors were also found under huge rotten logs full fire ants, omg them things were huge and eggs in the millions........ spay boomed !!!

We stacked up enough wood for fire camp for the next 5 years.  No problem.  Every night, while we could, we burn for hours.  It was our relax time !  

So, when the piles got smaller and we could access to the garage, it was time to  PIMP DA GARAGE !!

So, we filled it up with 3 cords of wood !  Yeah, we had to get a wood stove like everyone else there, you just had to or you were weird city folks !  Dear God, that was a lot more work then I thought.

First, You have to un-pile one pile to pile it up in another pile !

Then you had to make that pile square.

Then when the sides collapsed, you had to figure out why.

and re-pile it again and again until you get the sides strong enough to stay !

Until it collapsed again.  

So we decided to take drives around the neighborhood and stalk the wood piles and see how they did it.....ohhhhhhh, that's how !

Return home and un-pile the collapsed piles and re-stack them again...ugrhhhhh

C'est Assez.  C'est le temps de trouver d'autre chose a faire que faire du va et vient avec tous les stresses de toutes niaiseries de la business.  J'ai besoin du nouveau....et bon, voila, un bon commencement !!!!  Ceci est le temps où j'avais toujours toute l'énergie et la force qu'une femme pouvait avoir. Quelques maux ici et là mais je pouvais déplacer des montagnes et plus!!


Ces images vous donne une bonne idée combien de travail nous a dû faire autour de la propriété. Nous avons nettoyé avec des gants, une pelle, une remorque faite maison, un baril pour brûlé et un tas de sacs de déchets!! Nous avions  60 sacs de déchets de taille commerciale sur le bord de la route, pour la collection des vidanges de la semaine. En plus, tas de morceaux métalliques de toutes sortes, des verres cassés dans des poubelles en plastique, des paquets en bois et du carton. Les restants de la rénovations de l’intérieur: toilette, bain, lavabo, des boites de morceaux de drywall  et je pourrais continuer....

Nous avons trouvé  à  moitié enterré des vieux déchets des années passées au bord des bois, pleins de verres cassés, vêtements, des boîtes de conserves ouvertes, des vieilles bouteilles de médicaments cassées et une vieille botte en caoutchouc de taille 14 !!. J'ai été effrayée pour la tirer et trouver une jambe attachée à cette botte!!! Yikes  ! 

Des vieilles portes de grange ont été aussi trouvées sous des énormes billots pourris remplis des fourmis rouges, Seigneur, elles étaient énormes et les oeufs par millions ........Kaboom, Poison en masse!!!

Nous avons empilé assez de bois pour les feux de camp pendant les prochaines 5 années. Aucun problème. Chaque nuit, tandis que nous brûlions ce bois, on se reposait.  C'est notre temps de relaxation...

Une fois que les allentours étaient passables, c’était le temps "D'enjoliver le Garage"

Ainsi, nous l'avons rempli de 3 cordes de bois! Ouais, nous avons dû obtenir un poêle à bois  à  la maison comme tous les autres, il le fallait ou nous étions des gens bizarres de la ville! Seigneur le travail, beaucoup plus que nous pensions.


D'abord, vous devez défaire la pile de bois pour l'accumuler dans une autre pile!  L'empiler en façon carrée ! Alors quand les côtés se sont effondrés, vous devez comprendre pourquoi.!! Et la re-piler à maintes reprises jusqu’à  ce qu'elles restent en place!  Et elles s'effondrent  à  nouveau... Donc nous avons décidé de prendre des promenades en voiture autour du voisinage et fouiner les piles de bois et voir comment ils l'ont fait ..... ohhhhhhh, c'est comme ca!  Dang !!  Retournez à la maison et re-défaire les piles qui sont re-effondrées et re-empilez-les de nouveau ... ugrhhhhh

January 2008

One night, sitting besides my husband, under the star on a cold winter night, three months after the move, I said:  " we're here.  I can't believe that we're here..."  Only at the moment I had come to realize that we did it!  

I haven't made any local friends.  People in the region all know us by the Dodge guy and I am the Dodge guy's wife !  D:

I roam the kitchen to the living floor waiting for the phone to ring.  The silence is worst then anything.

The kids are finally making friends at school.  My husband comes home and have stories of the day at the diner table and I don't have a damn thing interesting to say.  Nothing but bad news from Ontario Insurance companies or Union grievances, or Gov phone call re: Corporate audit that is still going on or now moving expenses audit.  

I bare only bad news that no one wants to hear.  

I keep everything to myself unless I absolutely need to unleash the evil spirits.

The secrets I have to keep, to keep them smiling....

Une nuit, étant assis sous les étoiles d'une nuit froide d'hiver, trois mois après le déménagement, j'ai dit a mon mari: "nous sommes ici. Je ne peux pas croire que nous sommes ici..." Seulement a ce moment j'étais venu a me rendre compte que nous l'avions fait!  


Je me suis pas fait d'amis locaux. Les gens dans la région nous connaissent par Le Gars des Dodge et je suis la femme du Gars des Dodge D :


Je fais le plancher de la cuisine au salon en attendant que le téléphone sonne. Le silence est le pire.


Les enfants se font finalement des amis à l'école. Mon mari vient à la maison et a des histoires du jour à la table pendant le dîner. Je n'ai jamais rien d'intéressante a dire. Rien que des mauvaises nouvelles de Compagnies d'assurance de l'Ontario ou griefs de Syndicat, ou appels téléphoniques Governemantals et l'audit d'entreprise qui se passe toujours et maintenant une nouvelle audite de dépenses pour notre déménagement.  


Je porte seulement de mauvaises nouvelles que personne ne veut entendre.  


Je garde tout à moi à moins que je ne doive absolument lâcher de mauvais esprits.


Les secrets que je dois respecter pour garder le sourire a tous....

Decembre 2007


Long days and long nights.  Hard work and harder work.  No sleep, of course, we haven't slept in years !!!

We started to clean up the mess.  Took us a bit to get some sense of the non sense but first things first, THE FLOORS.  

(my girl posing as Cinderella !!!)

That wasn't fun at all but look  already at the difference!  Wow !... Sore for days after finishing this job.  Legs and back got the most of it....

My mother come from Gatineau PQ to help me with all the window treatments.  She's a pro.  Most of them we made by her.  Thanks mom.  That was the nicest gift of all.  Look at the difference when the painting was done in the kitchen.....enuf said !!

Ma mère vient de Gatineau PQ pour m'aider avec tous les rideaux pour les fenêtres. Elle est pro. La plupart d'entre eux fait par elle. Merci maman. C'ést le plus beau cadeau. Regardez la différence quand la peinture a été faite dans la cuisine !!

from this to that !   ---->

from this to

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              V

And, cleaned up another room and  now we have a computer room and 

a piano room!

The upstairs will have to wait a bit.  We need a break and enjoy this !

Just on time for our first xmas in New Brunswick !!!!

November 2007


I don't know honestly how we got it all done... Very happy to say that in all that mess in Ontario, we found out who our real friends were.  At least some good came out of this.  Without them, this would have not been possible.  Thank you again.   Moving is hard, expensive and unwanted by anyone but moving out of province, now that's crazy.







Even crazier was when we first landed in the house we just bought, we couldn't even get in the basement, there was more then a foot of water.  They had mickey moused a little barbie size sump pump in a hole no bigger and deaper then my shoe size, everything was floating !  (I had never personally visited the basement at all during the purchasing, yeah, refused to do down the scary unsafe steps). The furnace had crapped out.  It was like sub zero in the house. The well pipes had split, ya, no drinking water, but we had it all on the basement floor ! The water tank was all rusted and non functional, like everthing else in this place and oh oh, to top it all off, water was coming down in the entrace way upstairs and in the bathroom.  Thank God we had pots and pans still packed in the boxes !

So, Terry dug by hand 9 feet to repair the well before this !!


This is what it was like for a couple of weeks in the kitchen so we could fix the bathroom !

This was the entrance way so we could fix the leak there, and fix the kitchen busted pipes and gutted bathroom...

This was the living room area which contained half the unpacked boxes, tools, drywall, plaster and piping for the leaking basement which the door is found at the right (can't see it but I can !! )...

Just another house to renovate but this one was tops. Everything you touched became an added project to the list.  Oh well .   At least, it got cold enough that the roof stopped leaking !!